Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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