Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i've created a new STD.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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