If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
