we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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