K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
