I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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