Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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