babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
