Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
