Im at strip club and am horny
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
