Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
