You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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