Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
