I met the friendliest cop last night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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