i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
