She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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