I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
