Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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