goodnight i made you a song goodbye
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
