I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
