U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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