I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
