I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
