I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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