I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
