I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
