that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
