Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
