I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
