I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
