She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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