We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
