My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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