I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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