kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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