I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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