Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
