Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
