i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
