I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
