Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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