Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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