I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
