i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I look better un-naked...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
