I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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