how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
