she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
