Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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