tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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