she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
