if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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